filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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