so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
