A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
