I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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