Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
