I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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