I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
