Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
