Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
