Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Terrible idea I love it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
