The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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