Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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