well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
