Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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