Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
