I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
