I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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