Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
