i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
