Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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