Ketchup is God's man juice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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