He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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