Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
