Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
