you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
