She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
