You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
