Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Enjoy the penises
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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