So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
