I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
