you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
