i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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