wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
