I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
