i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
