We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone says I win the strip club
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
