Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
