I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize