Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
