Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize