Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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