I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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