I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize