I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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