I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
