apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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