I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
