No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
