I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
