I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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