think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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