remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
