my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
