Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
