so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize