Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
