i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
