The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
