What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
