Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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