:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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