dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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