Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
