Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
