i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
